学園ハンサム

GAKUEN HANDSOME

TV_SHORT

STATUS
COMPLETE
EPISODES
12
RELEASE
December 20, 2016
LENGTH
3 min

DESCRIPTION

Baramon High School, a private boys' school for the prefecture's most elite. The protagonist transferred into the school and meets various major players on campus, such as the "outlaw teacher," the soccer captain, and a childhood friend whom the protagonist has not seen in seven years. The school presents opportunities for friendship, love, and conflict. The tagline of the game is, "Whenever you exited the school gates, you were handsome."

CAST

Sakuya Mitsurugi
Ryouhei Kimura
Yoshiki Maeda
Natsuki Hanae
Shingo Shiga
Satoshi Tsuruoka
Teruhiko Saionji
Yuuto Suzuki
Renji Kagami
Kazunori Nomiya
Yuu
Satomi Akesaka
Jirou
Taiten Kusunoki
Takuya Saotome
Tetsuya Kakihara

EPISODES

Dubbed

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REVIEWS

groggy1
100/100
A Jaw-Droppingly Erotic Experience That May Have Turned Me Gay
_Gakuen Handsome_: The Paragon Of Romance
The eleventh century in Europe is known among many scholars as a period of flux; a proverbial tipping point in history.¹ For instance, the eleventh century is commonly accepted as the beginning of the High Middle Ages.² Leif Eriksson became the first European to set foot in the Americas.³ The Christian church fragmented into two halves, with the Roman Catholic church controlling the western part of Christendom and the Orthodox churches dominating the east.⁴ The battle of Hastings in 1066 led to the Norman conquest of England.⁵ The First Crusade was launched to capture the Holy Land, with Jerusalem being taken in 1099.⁶ However, perhaps most relevant to the Japanese cartoon being discussed is the establishment of a line of nobles in modern-day Switzerland by the name of the House of Habsburg.⁷

Over the centuries, the Habsburg dynasty will expand until it becomes one of the most powerful in all of Europe. Austria in particular is associated with the Habsburgs and will remain the seat of power for the family from 1282 until the 1900s.⁸ Along with the fact that members of the House of Habsburg could be found ruling nations from Portugal to Hungary and everything in between (and also Mexico for some reason),⁹ perhaps the most famous aspect of the Habsburgs was their tendency for inbreeding. To keep their power consolidated, the dynasty regularly married family members together, resulting in disastrous effects on their gene pool.¹º Many physical defects were seen in the later members of the House due to the lack of genetic diversity in the family. A characteristic trait of the Habsburgs was the Habsburg jaw, which consisted of an enlarged lower jaw and a chin that jutted outwards.¹¹
Fig. 1. A portion of a portrait of Charles II of Spain. Note the jaw.
The Habsburg monarchy was dissolved after the First World War,¹² and the modern-day Habsburgs are a shadow of their former selves. The family’s current head is an Austrian politician and goes by the name Karl.¹³ They mostly just live rich, aristocratic lives and do rich, aristocratic things. However, I have discovered historical truths about the House of Habsburg that have been buried for untold generations. You see, I have found evidence that somewhere along the long timeline of the family's history, the Habsburgs established themselves in East Asia. I don’t know when they first arrived or how much power they wielded, but one look at these fuckers’ chins was enough to know that the Habsburg family tree’s Japanese branch is still alive and well.
Fig. 2. From left to right: dude with big chin, dude with big chin, dude with big chin, dude with big chin, dude with big chin.
After I watched Gakuen Handsome, I wanted to kill myself. It wasn’t because the show looks like shit, sounds like shit, has a shit story, and has shit characters. It was because it was so flawless that I fell into despair knowing that I will never again see anything that can match the brilliance of this masterpiece. Death Note, Monster, and Legend of The Galactic Heroes look like slice of life anime compared to the intricately winding and weaving plot of Gakuen Handsome. The Mona Lisa looks like a preschool doodle compared to the artwork found in the show. Studios Ufotable, Bones, and Wit are sobbing in a corner because they know they can’t come close to matching the animation style that is reminiscent of some homemade garbage that a 12 year old kid would post on YouTube back in 2009.

I want to draw special attention to the ED. I am normally an OP and ED skipper, but Gakuen Handsome’s ending sequence was truly on a whole other level. Something about the ~~dogshit~~ god-tier animation combined with the most ~~mind-numbingly awful~~ angelic singing imaginable was just captivating. Below is a GIF from the ED. As I said before, Ufotable, Bones, and Wit are quaking in their boots at the thought of the powerhouse that is Team YokkyuFuman.
Fig. 3. GIF taken from _Gakuen Handsome_'s ending theme.
This is one of the best Boys' Love stories ever told and the men found in this show put every husbando you have to shame. One of them looks like a ripoff of Lawrence from Spice and Wolf but elongated. One of them looks like James from Team Rocket but elongated. One of them looks like American actor and comedian Danny Pudi. I forget what the other ones look like. The main character has hentai protagonist eyes, which means that he has no eyes. They’re all incredibly attractive and as a heterosexual male, I found myself salivating at the thought of letting these beautiful men perform acts on me that I am not allowed to describe. I used to get internet ads for nothing but my local Volkswagen dealership and Genshin Impact. But after watching this, I’ve started getting ads with shirtless 2D men in them and I can say without a doubt that this anime may have awakened something in me.

I don’t want to talk too much about the specifics of the show because I personally think that reviews with spoilers are pretty pointless. However, episode 11 is one of the most thought-provoking three minutes of anime I have ever watched (by the way episodes are three minutes long). It asks deeply profound questions about the nature of art and reality such as:
- Do we shape art?
- Can art shape us?
- How do we perceive things?
- How do we change to meet the perceptions that others draw about us?
- Can a man become bean sprouts?
Having these questions in mind totally recontextualized the whole show and made me think about aspects of my own life that I haven’t thought about before. It really expanded my horizons and forced me to think about things from an alternative perspective.

All in all, Gakuen Handsome was an experience. I do not have the literary skill to accurately convey how deep of an impression this show left on me. The best I can do is give it a score of 100 and beg you to watch it.

Endnotes
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1. 11th century. McGill University. https://www.cs.mcgill.ca/~rwest/wikispeedia/wpcd/wp/1/11th_century.htm.
2. Ibid.
3. Ibid.
4. Ibid.
5. Ibid.
6. Ibid.
7. Royde-Smith, John Graham. “House of Habsburg.” Encyclopædia Britannica. Encyclopædia Britannica, inc. https://www.britannica.com/topic/House-of-Habsburg.
8. Ibid.
9. Ibid.
10. Thulin, Lila. “The Distinctive 'Habsburg Jaw' Was Likely the Result of the Royal Family's Inbreeding.” Smithsonian.com. Smithsonian Institution, December 4, 2019. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/distinctive-habsburg-jaw-was-likely-result-royal-familys-inbreeding-180973688/.
11. Ibid.
12. Royde-Smith, John Graham. “House of Habsburg.” Encyclopædia Britannica. Encyclopædia Britannica, inc. https://www.britannica.com/topic/House-of-Habsburg.
13. Waller, Nicholas. “Karl Von Habsburg: Speech on the Future of Europe.” New Europe, February 1, 2021. https://www.neweurope.eu/article/karl-von-habsburg-speech-on-the-future-of-europe/.
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Bibliography
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11th century. McGill University. https://www.cs.mcgill.ca/~rwest/wikispeedia/wpcd/wp/1/11th_century.htm.

Royde-Smith, John Graham. “House of Habsburg.” Encyclopædia Britannica. Encyclopædia Britannica, inc. https://www.britannica.com/topic/House-of-Habsburg.

Thulin, Lila. “The Distinctive 'Habsburg Jaw' Was Likely the Result of the Royal Family's Inbreeding.” Smithsonian.com. Smithsonian Institution, December 4, 2019. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/distinctive-habsburg-jaw-was-likely-result-royal-familys-inbreeding-180973688/.

Waller, Nicholas. “Karl Von Habsburg: Speech on the Future of Europe.” New Europe, February 1, 2021. https://www.neweurope.eu/article/karl-von-habsburg-speech-on-the-future-of-europe/.
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